In order to flesh out his personality for the readers, I asked Simon if he would answer some "about me" questions that I found on the internet.
He reluctantly agreed.
Name?
Simon Philpott Blethington-Smythe. Simon after a great uncle who gave his life commanding troops in the Boer war and Philpott after the horse he was riding at the time.
Nickname?
I was sometimes referred to as "Blethers" during my time at Bedford but only among those with whom I had closely bonded over the rigours and privations of an exclusive English boarding school education. I was briefly known as "Squidgy" at Oxford, due to an unfortunate incident that I feel is best left firmly in the past.
Age?
Let's just say I have not yet received a telegram from Her Majesty but I'm not far off that happy day.
Star Sign? (Simon declined to answer and instead gave me the disdainful stare I have become used to over the course of our interviews. I moved on.)
Religion?
Church of England. Whenever possible I attend St Cuthberts on the Hill, where the Blethington Smythe's have worshipped for well over a century, most of those years under the guidance of the current vicar.
Occupation?
Cleaner, specialising in the maintenance and cleanliness of recording facilities.
Likes?
I'm sorry?
Likes? (I persisted at this point through the disdainful stare) What sort of things do you like?
I like conduct becoming a gentleman and an acceptable standard of cleanliness and hygiene.
Dislikes?
...stains, obviously. Dust. Hair below the collar for males and above the collar for the fairer sex. The use of a loud voice in a train carriage. Poorly manufactures brooms which shed fibres-
Okay. Last question-
-disposable biros, fizzy pop drinks, Anyone incapable of wiping their feet on a mat prior to entering a building. The absence of effective Latin instruction in modern schooling. The word "epic" when used to describe something that is merely impressive at best-
Right. Good. Last-
-banjos, women who insist on hugging when meeting, the use of portable computers in coffee shops, any eating establishment which provides plastic cutlery, anyone who-
Okay, we might stop that there and pick this up another time. Final question- what made you become a professional cleaner?
After father's unfortunate departure from the world of finance (and in fact from life) a brief career change was called for and I was delighted to discover that I enjoyed the simple life of the studio cleaner and had a natural aptitude for the work.
He reluctantly agreed.
Name?
Simon Philpott Blethington-Smythe. Simon after a great uncle who gave his life commanding troops in the Boer war and Philpott after the horse he was riding at the time.
Nickname?
I was sometimes referred to as "Blethers" during my time at Bedford but only among those with whom I had closely bonded over the rigours and privations of an exclusive English boarding school education. I was briefly known as "Squidgy" at Oxford, due to an unfortunate incident that I feel is best left firmly in the past.
Age?
Let's just say I have not yet received a telegram from Her Majesty but I'm not far off that happy day.
Star Sign? (Simon declined to answer and instead gave me the disdainful stare I have become used to over the course of our interviews. I moved on.)
Religion?
Church of England. Whenever possible I attend St Cuthberts on the Hill, where the Blethington Smythe's have worshipped for well over a century, most of those years under the guidance of the current vicar.
Occupation?
Cleaner, specialising in the maintenance and cleanliness of recording facilities.
Likes?
I'm sorry?
Likes? (I persisted at this point through the disdainful stare) What sort of things do you like?
I like conduct becoming a gentleman and an acceptable standard of cleanliness and hygiene.
Dislikes?
...stains, obviously. Dust. Hair below the collar for males and above the collar for the fairer sex. The use of a loud voice in a train carriage. Poorly manufactures brooms which shed fibres-
Okay. Last question-
-disposable biros, fizzy pop drinks, Anyone incapable of wiping their feet on a mat prior to entering a building. The absence of effective Latin instruction in modern schooling. The word "epic" when used to describe something that is merely impressive at best-
Right. Good. Last-
-banjos, women who insist on hugging when meeting, the use of portable computers in coffee shops, any eating establishment which provides plastic cutlery, anyone who-
Okay, we might stop that there and pick this up another time. Final question- what made you become a professional cleaner?
After father's unfortunate departure from the world of finance (and in fact from life) a brief career change was called for and I was delighted to discover that I enjoyed the simple life of the studio cleaner and had a natural aptitude for the work.
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