Ah yes. The Girl From Ipanema. Where is Ipanema? Is it a
real place or…
Hang on I’ll look it
up… It’s real. It’s in Brazil.
Well, there you are. Nice place is it?
According to this, the
beach has a problem: “faecal coliform bacteria sometimes spike at 16 times the
Brazilian government’s “satisfactory” level.”
Really? Well, that small piece of compelling intelligence was
never reported in the lyrics of the song to the best of my knowledge. Considerable attention is paid to the girl but scant mention of the high levels of faecal
matter she’s been paddling in.
It would have made
for a very different song.
Well quite.
There’s no doubt
you’ve been present for the creation of some iconic music.
True. And it’s a source of much pride. When I hear someone
playing Sgt Peppers or some other great album I often can’t resist the
temptation to mention that I was in the room while it was being made. I do
enjoy the feeling of instant awe it generates.
And The Girl From
Ipanema doesn’t produce the same reaction?
Not at all. When I hear said tune, which is usually in an
elevator it has to be pointed out, I’ll mention that I was present during its recording and anyone in earshot usually asks me why I didn’t take
steps to prevent it. I explain to them that despite being armed with a broom,
which could have been called on as a serviceable weapon, it wasn’t my job to
intervene and forcibly prevent music from being created. And even if one had
the authority to act as a sort of taste police, one had no way of knowing that
the harmless pop ditty they were recording that day was going to become an
appallingly abused piece of elevator muzak. If I may be so vulgar as to utilise
an analogy we’ve previously discussed, at the time I thought the song had a
satisfactory level of faecal matter. If I’d known that future reproductions
would have had sixteen times the acceptable limit then I might have done
something.
You would have done
us all a favour.
Obviously, the benefit of hindsight is a powerful
thing and I’m sure there is much that I would have done differently if given
the opportunity to act again while knowing what I know now. Preventing the girl
in question from ever gracing the faecal-drenched beaches of Ipanema with her presence
would definitely be high on my to-do list should HG Wells ever present me with
a device that permitted one to travel in time.
What else would you
have done?
I think I might have given Nick Drake a warm embrace. I
think he deserved one.
That’s very sweet.
That’s slightly patronising but I’ll take it as a
compliment.
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